I’m going to start by saying I don’t actually believe you. My elementary school frenemy absolutely eviscerated me once for thinking you were real, so you can definitely blame her. She ruined everything.
This story starts as many do: I was thinking about food. It was a Friday afternoon, work was slow, and I was thinking about what I could sneak into our weekly office order from Fresh Direct. It’s a grocery delivery service that we get sometimes. Because an employee’s happiness is in direct correlation with their proximity to food. Ask Google.
I’ve recently realized my entire face is crooked.
You know how everyone has those things they wish they could change about themselves? Like, “ugh I have weird elbows” or “my hair is so dry” or “why is my face so chubby?”